ST. PETERSBURG // FL // EARTH
HULL INTEGRITY: 97.2%
O₂: NOMINAL · CREW: 1
YOU FOUND THIS.
THAT WAS PROBABLY A MISTAKE.
This is the classified personnel file of Mark Kolodziej — a one-person crew running web development, Google Ads, marketing automation, drone operations, and technical documentation. He builds the systems. He runs the systems. Or he teaches you to fly them yourself. Proceed at your own risk.
ALL SYSTEMS REPORTING
EQUIPMENT MANIFEST
Done-for-you digital infrastructure. No agency pitch decks. No account managers. No six-week onboarding. Just the operative who actually does the work.
WEB DEVELOPMENT
WordPress & Elementor Pro builds, speed and conversion fixes, multi-site / multi-brand management. Sites that load fast and earn their keep.
GOOGLE ADS & LSA
Full account builds, negative keyword systems, and ongoing optimization that cuts wasted spend instead of hiding it in a report.
TRACKING & ANALYTICS
GA4, Google Tag Manager, CallRail call tracking — wired end to end. If it converts, it gets measured. If it doesn't, we find out why.
MARKETING AUTOMATION
Email systems, lead routing, CRM / Smartsheet workflows that eliminate manual busywork so the humans can do human things.
LOCAL LEAD GEN
Google Business Profile optimization, review generation systems, landing pages built to turn local searches into ringing phones.
HTML EMAIL DEV
Hand-coded emails that render everywhere. Even Outlook. Yes, that Outlook. Some horrors we face willingly.
DRONE OPERATIONS
FAA-licensed sUAS pilot. Aerial imaging and inspection for properties, projects, and anything best seen from above.
TECH DOCS & COMPLIANCE
Precision as-built documentation (BIM/CAD) and compliance frameworks (ISNetworld, EcoVadis) that keep high-value contracts alive.
INSTRUCTOR STATUS: ACTIVE
LEARN TO SURVIVE OUT HERE.
▸ EVERYTHING ON THIS SHIP CAN BE TAUGHT.
The thing I love most is helping people figure things out. Anything in the equipment manifest — ads, automation, websites, tracking, drones — I can train you or your team to run yourselves. Plain language. Real patience. Zero jargon. No gatekeeping.
"If you see something on this page and think 'I wish I could do that' — you can. Open a channel and I'll show you how."
CLEARANCE GRANTED
DECLASSIFIED RECORDS
Real missions. Client names redacted. Outcomes intact.
Rebuilt a Google Ads account from scratch — new campaign architecture, conversion tracking, and negative keyword systems that cut wasted spend. Zero to fully operational.
17 years of web, SEO, and marketing automation work contributing to a company's growth from startup to a $40M private equity acquisition.
Rebuilt the digital infrastructure for a ██████████ service operation — ads, call tracking, landing pages. Zero to functioning in 30 days.
Produced highly accurate as-built infrastructure documentation for large multifamily and commercial properties — drawings that reduce execution risk before a crew ever touches a pipe.
INVENTORY VERIFIED
THE ARSENAL
Loaded, calibrated, mission-ready.
DO NOT OPEN THE DOOR
SOMETHING ELSE IS ON THIS SHIP.
Emergency lighting engaged. Sensors report creative activity of unknown origin. Approach with curiosity.
🕯 THE LOST LIBRARIAN
★ FEATURED BY SCARE TACTICS (TV) ON INSTAGRAMBy day: systems and spreadsheets. By night: I read scary stories for kids on YouTube as The Lost Librarian. Creepy enough to be fun, safe enough for bedtime — the channel caught the attention of the TV show Scare Tactics, which featured it on their Instagram.
RECEIVE TRANSMISSION ▸ YOUTUBE📕 MANUSCRIPT IN PROGRESS
A book is being written aboard this vessel. Title: ██████████████. Status: in progress. That's all you get. For now.
🎤 STAGE OPERATIONS
Stand-up comedy background. Comfortable in front of any crowd — speaking, hosting, storytelling, or teaching a room full of skeptics something new. Available for engagements.
RECREATION PROTOCOLS ACTIVE
OFF-DUTY LOG
Even a one-person crew gets shore leave.
GOLF
Precision targeting exercises on grass. Results: classified.
FISHING
Patience training with occasional rewards. St. Pete has no shortage of water.
ROLLER COASTERS
Voluntary G-force testing. The louder the drop, the better.
HORROR & MOVIES
Movie lover, horror connoisseur — but only films that are actually scary. The bar is high and rarely cleared.
FAMILY WATCH PARTY
Horror games on Steam, watched with the family — The Outer Middle Show (aka MaddVladd, also live on Twitch) and Hollow.
ARCADE CABINET
The ship has its own game: Sector 7 Defense. Tap here (or press G) to play. Watch for the thing with no eyes — it's worth 250.
CHANNEL: OPEN
OPEN A CHANNEL
Need something built, fixed, automated, filmed from the sky — or taught? Transmit below. No discovery-call funnels. No pressure. A human reads this.
// Transmitting opens your email client with the message pre-filled — nothing is sent until you hit send.